I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I want to make a zoo with you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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