You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
