Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
