Don't you send me to vm
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
