Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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