I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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