My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
