first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
