The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
