WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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