need another drink. this is the easiest way
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
