The maid of honor just puked.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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