lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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