I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
