If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
