Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh god it's open bar.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
