My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
