accomplished twins. life is a go
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
