He asked to "fluff my boner.."
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
