So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
