so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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