i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
