Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
