his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
