you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
