I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
