fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
