did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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