what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
