what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
