i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
