I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
