I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
