ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
