And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
