Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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