True but thats because hes a fetus.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she told me i tasted like america
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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