I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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