You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
