Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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