seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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