My first STD was from a foam party
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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