dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
