im drinking this country out of the recession.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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