you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
