you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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