**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
