I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
