Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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