where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
