The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
