i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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