Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Still dying that you shit outside
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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